The Man For Me…

The new female and the new male are partners on a journey of spiritual growth. They want to make the journey. Their love and trust keep them together. Their intuition guides them. They consult with each other. They are friends. They laugh a lot. They are equals. That is what a spiritual partnership is: a partnership between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth.  There are no “head games” or ego trips.  There are no lies or deceitfulness, there is instead a willingness to expose themselves to each other with complete honesty about who they are and where they are on their paths.  There is no drama in their coming together in Union with each other.  They are both, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually available to be in complete Union with each other.  They are willing to declare themselves as faithful and committed partners to each other…there is no fear from either one of them in this mutual declaration of devotion and commitment.

I choose to walk in a loving partnership, companionship, and friendship with a loyal, faithful, and completely committed man of Spirit who willingly accepts me unconditionally and openly embraces the growth, challenges, and lessons that our path together will bring each of us, without giving up on me or him.  Why do I choose this?  Because these are the qualities of character that I bring to the table and have to offer him in return.

I choose to walk in love with a man who can fully accept my Spirituality without needing to hide his own Shadows from himself or from me.  Why do I choose this?  Because I refuse to hide from my Shadows anymore…often my path of Light comes only after having spent a cycle of learning time in the Dark and I will not apologize for or deny my process.

I choose to walk in love with a man that values my skills and abilities to counsel, advise, listen and help him on his path.  Why do I choose this?  Because I know that as my equal, as my complement, that he too has these skills and abilities to offer me as I meet challenges on my path.

I choose to walk in love with a man who places me as his friend and confidant above all other friendships and is willing, both privately and publicly, to allow us to be loving, silly and playful with each other.  Why do I choose this?  Because the “inner circle” is sacred space and it’s up to the two of us to decide whose “outside” counsel is allowed into Our circle.

I choose to walk in love with a man who has the strength and courage to openly tell his life story and share it as an example to others on how to willingly embrace your Shadows and live, in Love, inside of yourself.  Why do I choose this?  Because one of the greatest legacies that we can leave for future generations are the Wounded Healers of our time that had the courage to voice their stories.

I choose to walk in love with a man who values my creativity and my path as an Artist, my role as a Shaman Medicine Woman, my skills as an organizational Leader, and my bliss as one of Life’s Dancers!  Why do I choose this?  Because I offer up, to you, my celebration of you as a Man, Artist, Mystic, Leader and Dancer.

I choose to walk in love with a man who is willing to embrace Sacred Sexuality as a path that will help us, together and individually, deepen, enliven, and expand our connection with our Source.  Why do I choose this?  Because there is no greater energy of healing, creation, and Love than when a man and woman come together as one, as Source.

I choose to walk in love with a man that chooses to join me in the sacred act of mutual, joint meditation and Tantric breathing because he recognizes our abilities to help each other heal, live, laugh and love at higher and newer levels when we share our breath and energy in a mutual space of love, trust, and truthfulness.

I choose to walk in love with a man that refuses to live without self-honesty and is willing to forsake the “power of intention” for the power of behavioral truth, including authentic self-examination for ego, honor, and integrity.  Why do I choose this?  Because there are times when your intentions don’t matter worth a damn if the walk you’re actively walking is completely out of alignment with that intention.  Thoughts do become things and what you think about is where you send your energy but the minute I physically step-up to take action I know that I’ve stopped to check and make sure that my mental, emotional, and spiritual integrity is also in alignment!

I choose to walk in love with a man who values himself enough to not be swayed by questionable morals or someone else’s personal agenda.  Why do I choose this?  Because I came here as an individual expression of Spirit – no one else has a purpose or path that super-cedes my purpose or my path.

I choose to walk in love with a man who breathes courage with each step and does not allow himself to be dictated to by fear – either his own or another’s.  Why do I choose this?  Because I choose honesty and empowerment in my life and have these to offer to him in his life.

I choose to walk in love with a man that is willing to talk with me about everything – is not afraid to analyze and seek out the root of issues – and will not run away from the tougher aspects of life together and from the harsher aspects of each of our personalities.  Why do I choose this?  Because we are here to heal ourselves, with love and acceptance for self and others – runners need not apply!

I choose to walk in love with a man that knows how to acknowledge me, who treats my time and my messages with honor, respect and dignity.  A man who values me and what I have to say.  Why do I choose this?  Because I am always willing to make time and treat requests for communication with acknowledgement. I’m willing to honor your right to be heard and your deservedness of a response because I acknowledge and honor my own right to be heard and my own deservedness of a response.

I choose to walk in love with a man who publicly, privately, personally and professionally acknowledges me and our Union with each other.  This man lives his life in open honesty and is not afraid to declare our connection with each other to the world!  This man has forsaken the need for other women on a flirtatious level and instead saves his sexual and creative energy for me and for himself, and for the flow of Spirit that moves through me, us, and him.  Why do I choose this?  Because I am worthy of intimate and sustained commitment.  I’m worth choosing above all others and offer my commitment and loyalty in return.

I choose to walk in love with a man who chooses to walk in love with me.

The Man For Me:

He cleans up after himself.
He cleans up the planet.
He is a role model for young men.
He is rigorously honest and fiercely optimistic.

He holds himself accountable.
He knows what he feels.
He knows how to cry and he lets it go.
He knows how to rage without hurting others.
He knows how to fear and how to keep moving.
He seeks self-mastery.

He has let go of childish shame.
He feels guilty when he’s done something wrong.
He is kind to men, kind to women, kind to children.
He teaches others how to be kind.
He says he’s sorry.

He stopped blaming women or his parents or men for his pain years ago.
He stopped letting his defenses ruin his relationships.
He stopped letting his penis run his life.
He has enough self-respect to tell the truth.
He creates intimacy and trust with his actions.

He honors and pays homage to the Goddess in himself and in his woman, and allows his woman to honor the God in him.

He’s not afraid of his anger and is not afraid of the anger in others.
He has men that he trusts and that he turns to for support.
He knows how to roll with it.
He knows how to make it happen.
He is disciplined when he needs to be.
He is flexible when he needs to be.
He knows how to listen from the core of his being.

He’s not afraid to get dirty.
He’s ready to confront his own limitations.
He has high expectations for himself and for those he connects with.
He looks for ways to serve others.
He knows he is an individual.
He knows that we are all one.
He knows he is an animal and a part of nature.
He knows his spirit and his connection to something greater.

He knows that the future generations are watching his actions.
He builds communities where people are respected and valued.
He takes responsibility for himself and is also willing to be his brother’s keeper.

He knows his higher purpose.
He loves with fierceness.
He laughs with abandon, because he gets the joke.

He willingly and often takes time out to play with his loved ones, especially his chosen mate.

This is the Mature Masculine – the New Warrior – a re-definition of masculinity for the 21st century.

Living, Breathing, Being: SMOKE FREE

Detoxing for Body, Mind, & Spirit

By: Kathy Lytle

 Congratulations – You’ve made the commitment to quit smoking!!  One of the most exciting aspects of quitting smoking is reaching the realization that you are an active participant in your recovery process and that there are many, many tools available to you to help you heal your body, mind, and spirit from the harmful addiction to tobacco.  One of the most important and loving things you can do for yourself now that you’ve committed yourself to quitting smoking is to follow a gentle detoxification program that will allow your body, thoughts and feelings to naturally and safely rebalance themselves.  When you assist your body with healing and releasing the effects of smoking you shorten the amount of time that you may experience feelings of irritability, hunger, mood swings, sinus/bronchial inflammation, headaches, and fatigue!  So let’s get started with:

WATER

Water, water, water!!  Quite simply, the only thing we need more than water is air.  Water is vital to our existence.   We can only survive approximately 7 days without it before our brains and bodies shut down and die.  Most smokers have a tendency to live in a perpetual state of dehydration.  The chemicals in tobacco cause blood vessels to temporarily constrict, a reaction similar to dehydration. When dehydration and smoking are combined, the body’s need for water is intensified. Smoking also accelerates how quickly the body metabolizes caffeine and, as a result, it aggravates caffeine’s dehydrating effect on the body.

• “Every day, we can lose four or more pints of water (about two liters) through our breath, saliva, tears, urine, stools and sweat. The fluid that is lost must be replaced. If you exercise, especially if you exercise vigorously, you will need to increase your water intake by up to 50 percent. On average, you should drink at least six to eight 8-ounce glasses of water each day. But if you have exercised, cried, sweated or urinated more than usual, you may need to drink more, even up to 16 glasses per day.”
• “Think in terms of “preventing thirst,” rather than drinking water “in response to thirst.” Thirst can be an unreliable signal in the early stages of dehydration. If you are thirsty, you are already dehydrated. Common signs of dehydration are fatigue, headaches, dryness of the eyes or nasal passages, inability to concentrate, dryness of the mouth, and dizziness. These symptoms, which many people experience daily and may believe are from other causes, may really be the result of lack of water.”
• “Water not only cleanses inside the body, it cleanses the outside of the body and it can be a soothing therapy for the cravings and irritability that often accompanies changes in your tobacco habit. Soaking in warm or hot showers and baths, swimming in cool natural springs or hot spas, splashing your face with cool water, and soaking your feet in warm water are all recognized as effective tools for reducing stress and cravings. Water simply has the magical ability to make us feel better, inside and out.”

HERBS

Tea time!  Unfortunately the first thing that happens as you start to detox is that you feel even worse than you did before you started!! There is no getting away from this but it’s important to remember two things:  1) “This too shall pass!!” and 2) your body has been protecting you by hiding poisons around your body and when it gets the signal that it can start to let them go the priority becomes eliminating them as quickly as possible. The headaches, tiredness, grumpiness are what you would feel all the time if your body allowed these toxins free access to your systems.  The liver, kidney, and intestines have a hard time during detoxification and it’s important to support them and their natural functions!  Fortunately there are herbs and herbals teas that are specifically designed to not only cleanse and clear these organs but also to help the liver regenerate itself.

Herbal Supplement or Tea	The “What” and The “Why”
DANDELION	Dandelion is a traditional treatment for toning the liver and boosting the body’s filtration system. The leaves are full of antioxidants and nutrients including B vitamins, vitamins A, C and D, plus boron, silicon, potassium, magnesium and zinc. **  Yogi Tea has a line of “De Tox” teas that are excellent!
MILK THISTLE (aka Silymarin)	The compounds in milk thistle that help zap toxins protect the liver by binding with substances that would otherwise interact with the liver and slow its function. They also help the liver repair itself and regenerate new liver cells.
ELDERBERRY	Elderberry is commonly referred to as “Natures Medicine Chest”.  It’s a “blood cleanser”, a purgative and a diuretic.  It is especially supportive in cleansing/clearing sinuses, lungs, kidneys and small intestines. ** Alvita brand has an excellent Elderberry Tea
BURDOCK	Burdock is a common ingredient in dietary supplements and teas that aim to detoxify and cleanse the body of pollution and toxic build-up. Burdock triggers perspiration and increased fecal elimination, promoting the fast removal of toxins from the body, and supporting overall liver, kidney and bowel health.

 ESSENTIAL OILS (AROMATHERAPY)

On an energetic level smoking is a suppression of the breath and therefore suppression of the basic life force in us. Many times we smoke to stop ourselves from feeling certain emotions, usually we associate smoking with stress reduction. On the physical level when we refrain from a toxic substance the body can finally start to process all the poison it has been locking away for years.  At the same time on the emotional level all the emotions that we were blocking and suppressing with the smoke can now start to be processed by the body too.  Essential oils and the practice of Aromatherapy are gentle and healing ways of reintroducing and reconnecting us with our breath.  They allow us to detox our emotions as gently as we detox our bodies.  It’s a way to heal the spirit by restoring mental and emotional balance.

 

The Essential Oil	The “What” and The “Why”
CYPRESS	Very healing blood/circulatory tonic.  Assists with liver/kidney detox.   Also considered a “lung oil” as it opens up the bronchi.  It balances the blood “chi” and assists with confusion and anxiety.
GRAPEFRUIT	Is a stimulant – VERY uplifting!  Good for depression and a renewed “zest for life”.  It’s also a good tonic and stimulates the liver and gall bladder to help produce bile.
JUNIPER	Juniper has an affinity with the Urinary system, it’s a diuretic and detoxifies.  Good for fear and apathy.  It helps clear heavy emotional energy out of the 3rd (solar plexus) Chakra.
LEMON	Is a stimulant and is emotionally uplifting.  Along with LIME, it’s considered a “happy oil” and both are often referred to as an “inner child oil”.  Even though lemon is acidic it has neutralizing qualities when it reaches the stomach and is good for reducing acid.
ROSEMARY	Stimulates ALL body systems:  Central Nervous, Circulatory, Digestive and Muscular.  It’s sometimes referred to as “The Herb of Remembrance” as it stimulates memory and awareness.  It’s helpful to those that are lacking courage, motivation and self-esteem.
THYME	Stimulates both the physical and the emotional body.  Good for respiratory conditions, lungs, coughs, and colds.  It’s also helpful to the Urinary system, kidneys and bladder.  It can help with feelings of exhaustion and in combating depression.

Essential Oils can be used and blended in a variety of ways including “Aura” sprays, massage oils, body lotions and bath salts for soaking in.

THE BACH FLOWER ESSENCES – support for Spiritual Healing

Dr. Edward Bach (1886 – 1935) was a medical pioneer who discovered the link between stress, emotions and illness decades before contemporary physicians began to acknowledge the fact.  Dr. Bach believed that “disease is in essence the result of conflict between Soul and Mind, and will never be eradicated except by spiritual and mental effort.  Such efforts, if properly made with understanding…can cure and prevent disease by removing those factors which are its primary cause.  No effort directed to the body alone can do more than superficially repair damage, and in this there is no cure, since the cause is still operative and may at any moment again demonstrate its presence in another form”…true healing attacks the very base of the cause of suffering.  Bach suggested that the natural state of the human body was to be well.  Only if the defenses were weakened by an imbalance in the personality and the emotions would the agents ever gain a foothold.  This is why he called the imbalances the true cause of disease.  It follows then that there are two supportive ways to approaching quitting smoking:  1) as an addiction and 2) as symptoms of withdrawal.

The Flower Remedy	The “What” and The “Why”
WALNUT	Helps with the adjustment during withdrawal.  It gives protection against the adverse effects of oversensitivity to certain ideas, atmosphere and outside influences.  It allows you to make or adapt to major life changes and to fulfill your ambitions free from the influence of others.
CHESTNUT BUD	Helps with learning from the experience.  Dr. Bach wrote: “this remedy is to help us take full advantage of our daily experiences, and to see ourselves and our mistakes as others do”.  It helps you to observe your mistakes objectively so that you can learn from them and move on.
CRAB APPLE	Helps to cleanse the mind/body from feelings of self-hatred and a sense of un-cleanliness.  Assists with the ability to control thoughts and recognize difficulties and be acceptable again to oneself.  Can see things in correct perspective and help you feel better about the way that you are.
HORNBEAM	Helps to strengthen the will to resist.  Helps restore energy when you are mentally weary, struggling with procrastination and doubt your ability to face the task ahead.
CENTAURY	Helps to strengthen the will to resist.  Helps you take care of your own needs and assert yourself if you find it hard to say no to others.
AGRIMONY	When the addiction is used as a means of escape.  This helps you communicate your true feelings rather than hide them behind a “happy” face…assists with stopping the mental torture behind the “brave” face.

 YOU are essential to YOUR recovery.  Give yourself permission to matter.  Not just in any given moment, but in every given moment BE exactly where you are, and let yourself be there without JUDGMENT.  Be good to yourself.  Be gentle with yourself.  And breathe.  Just breathe!

For more information regarding the materials presented here, including sources & references, please feel free to contact me.

Kathy Lytle

Life Coach & Spiritual Counselor: Flower Essences Consultant, Aromatherapist, Reflexologist, ReUnion Process Facilitator

Kathy Lytle – Copyright © 2008 – 2012

DISCLAIMER:  None of the information here is intended to serve as or substitute for medical diagnosis.  Please consult with your medical practitioner for medical advice regarding tobacco addiction and cessation.